Episode 0 - What I did on my holidays

I've taken some time off work to watch football and be home to help raise my new son with my beautiful wife.

In a world of instant gratification it’s almost refreshing to have to wait four years for something worthwhile*. In a sense, the World Cup is the Stanford Marshmallow test for adults, but with a big caveat. While it’s axiomatically true that waiting to get two marshmallows is much better than just having one now, you’re not guaranteed a better World Cup by waiting longer.

This quadrennial football festival is getting bigger though. The first one required only that participants turn up and 13 of them did. Twelve of them needn’t have bothered because the hosts, Uruguay, won. The next one, in 1934, was slightly better attended – 15 teams made the same fruitless  journey to Italy. While no one has the temerity to suggest there was a political angle to this result it was certainly used to solidify the support for the nation’s then-recently installed leader. And it wouldn’t be the last time such fortunate timing was seized upon by leaders with a bent for populism.

Eventually, 16 was decided to be a good number of participants in the event and qualifiers were introduced to whittle the number of nations wanting to enter the tournament proper. At least until 1982, when the tournament held in Spain was expanded to 24 teams. Then, in 1998, it became 32 and in 2026 it will be 48. In part, this was because teams from outside of Europe and South America have demonstrated a level of competence that deserves representation. Mostly it’s about money. You might be shocked that a sporting organisation like FIFA could be seduced, nay, corrupted by greed. At least those of us who haven’t tried to organise a raffle at the local sporting club.

To demonstrate the growing success of nations from outside the traditional regions you could look at the United States who defeated England 1-0 in the 1950 Brazil tournament in a result that was initially reported in the UK as a 10-1 win to the English because …. well, obviously, there was a mistake in that scoreline.

In 1966, North Korea not only defeated the Italians 1-0 to knock them out of the tournament but were leading Portugal 3-0 as well before Eusebio took advantage of a sudden bout of stage fright on the part of the Koreans. Australia was already well aware of the North Koreans as it was them who had stopped them from qualifying in Australia’s first-ever attempt to participate in the World Cup.

Irritatingly the decision to attempt qualification was based in large part on the host being England and that Australia should be a part of the mother country’s tournament. Even more irritatingly, England won that tournament – the third of six host nations to have done so and only one of eight nations (the others are Uruguay, Italy, Brazil, Germany, Argentina, Spain and France)  to have ever won the 20 World Cups held so far. However, much to the delight of fans everywhere else, it has been their only success and even that one owes as much to the linesman of the USSR as it did to the skills of the Charlton brothers, Geoff Hurst and Gordon Banks .

The chances are that one of those eight nations will again lift this year’s trophy. It certainly won’t be Italy though, having been surprisingly eliminated in qualifying by Sweden. Some are suggesting Belgium might score an upset, but that’s mostly just the Belgians saying it.

Globalisation has meant that nationality has become a little more fluid than it used to be. In the past, Australians Ante Seric and Josip Simunic have opted to play for Croatia and while Christian Vieri could have represented Australia, he chose Italy. Australia did get his brother Max but sadly he was very much the Dean Waugh of that family. Tim Cahill represented a Samoan youth side before being able to switch and represent Australia at a fourth World Cup. It’s unlikely Samoa could have afforded him such an outcome.

Australia’s youngest World Cup participant, Daniel Arzani, is of Iranian decent and until he came on late for Australia’s game against the Czech Republic recently, he could still have opted to represent Iran. A young man of prodigious talent Daniel is also toying with the fine line between the arrogance of youthful exuberance and being Nick Kyrgios.

Whether the World Cup provides you with an excuse to drink beer at odd hours, a starting point for an argument about what’s wrong with the priorities of the populace, vent misgivings about Russia’s role in today’s world or a genuine relish about a sporting festival that is about national identities, competition and camaraderie it is starting June 14 when Russia take on Saudi Arabia. Notorious teetotallers the Saudi squad might want to check for Polonium in their cups of Russian Caravan.

*granted the definition of worthwhile in this context falls apart in comparison to, say, curing cancer or even running a metropolitan rail system to be on time and with capacity.